Making Life-Changing Decisions: Past President of United India Association and Educator Dolly Raja on Leading with Resilience
“Remember, when you cry, you cry alone but when you laugh, the world laughs with you.” Meet today’s woman dreamer, Dolly Raja, who shares a story of leading with resilience, overcoming tragedy, and motherhood. From United Association President for over 18 years to an adjunct professor of economics in top universities across Massachusetts including Harvard and Northeastern, Dolly shares five challenges she faced in her journey, including how to deal with doubting your own decisions, making lifechanging decisions, and knowing who to turn to for answers. A relatable and inspiring woman, check out Dolly’s story below!
1) You were the president Of United India Association (UIA) in Boston for 18 years. How did you get started in UIA and what are some of the accomplishments that you’re most proud of?
I came to US in 1985 after I lost my husband due to a severe heart attack. My older brother sponsored me. The Indian community had formed an organization under the banner of UIA and Mr. Mathur, my brother was a member. I was nominated and elected as the President of UIA in 1987.
As the President of UIA for several years, I introduced many new programs, introduced changes in existing events that brought glory to the association.
I organized and upgraded the Cultural functions such as Diwali, Annual picnic, Holi celebrations and more and created collaborations with several other Indian organizations such IAGB and Saheli and provided support and help whenever required. Our Youth wing to UIA encouraged the younger generations to join the organization and discussion forums led experienced community leaders held discussion forums on important issues including medical, immigration and some philosophical issues such as “Nirvana” or meaning of “Soul” and many more. The forum included topics on religious books such as Gita and different Vedas. The forums were well received and involved different segments of the Indian communities. My team and I also introduced a several new events, such as a New Year’s celebration. An event that got momentum and now it is one of the most awaited events by UIA.
I also became the Vice-President and later the President of IAGB. For two consecutive years, we organized the Independence Day parades around Boston Commons. The parades included decorative floats depicting parts of Indian life in different regions; school bands; folk dances etc.
2) You went through a major tragedy in life at a very young age. You worked hard and raised a family and also became a great community leader. How did you face the challenges and what is your message to those going through tough times in life?
There is no doubt that tragedy hit me at a very young age. I lost my spouse and was left with two young innocent children. Initially, I was unable to bring them with me to US and had to leave them behind at my parent’s house. I at that time had one mission and that was to take care of my kids and raise them well. I worked at many jobs to support the family while studying at the same time. It was a balancing act to work, study and support my family all at the same time. In the face of all these adversities, I could never forget the other people who were facing difficulties in their lives. I had the desire to reach-out to those who had either suffered the same plight or had undergone hardships due to the loss of their loved ones. Nothing is easy in such circumstances and one faces numerous hurdles and oppositions from within the family and without as well
Challenge 1: Whom should you turn to, for answers.
There is always a doubt whether people who you are confiding in will be the right ones?
Will they have answers to the unanswered questions? Should a person confide in family or friends?
Since I was new to the US community, I was not sure of the community reaction. The worst was to decide whether I should dress up as a normal young women or adopt the attire of a widow? When asked, I got conflicting responses: “Should not wear make-up” or “should not wear very bright clothing”
Or “Simplicity is the best” ….
Challenge 2: Doubting your own decisions
There is always a doubt in your mind about your actions. When I came to US leaving behind my children, it always irked my mind, was that the right step I took? Could I have waited?
The children did not get the Visa and as a family we decided to proceed and to leave the kids with my mother and the brother’s family. It was heart wrenching to see the innocent sad faces of my kids when I was about to board the plane. At that juncture and on many other occasions, I doubted my own decision. That has been a challenge.
Challenge 3: Making life changing decision by my-self
There are moments in everyone’s life, when you need to toughen -up and take steps or make decisions to move on with life. But mind you, that is not easy. Many people can chicken out when taking such decisions.
My biggest life changing decision was whether I should resettle again and start a new family with a new husband. After meeting many guys and their families, I decided against it. It was not worth bringing another person in our lives at that time. My sole aim then became to take care of my kids who had already lost a parent and were depended on me for love and support. That was a decision I had to make at that time and I have no regrets taking that step.
Challenge 4: Missing the Kids
As mentioned earlier, I had to leave behind both my children with my family in India. During those days, the telephone calls were not common and were expensive. I had to rely on letter writing and “once a month” calls.
That period was painful. The kids were not happy being separated from me.
Living in someone else’s house is not the same as having your own space.
They were also denied Visa twice which was another blow to them.
But there is always a silver lining, and after 2 years of separation, finally they joined me here in US.
Those two years were very difficult both mentally and physiologically.
Challenge 5: Monetary status – Anxiety and fear of the unknown
I was a student and thus had a small stipend. One of the challenges was how to raise money, support the kids and maintain a separate household.
Not an easy task but an easier challenge to overcome. I took up all types of campus jobs to become self-sufficient. From working at the Burger King to the NU Library and finally proctoring at the dorms.
With all these jobs, I was able to support the family, it was sufficient for three of us.
Those were the challenging times, but the result was glorious.
My advice to people going through tough times:
Do not loose heart; think of all the good time/life you had,
Think of the people who may still need you,
Always have positive attitude (difficult but doable),
Do not show your weaknesses in public; people capitalize on them,
Remember, when you cry, you cry alone but when you laugh, the world laughs with you.
Above all, have faith in yourself and in God.
3) Who is a woman in your life that you truly admire? How do you define women empowerment?
I grew up in Delhi and went to an all- girl’s school – Lady Irwin School. We were introduced to Mother Theresa, her work and dedication to society in Calcutta. I was very impressed with what she had done for poor and the downtrodden. Her passion to serve the poor, the sick and people who were towards the end of their journey. She performed a very noble task.
The women I had always admired and will continue to do so was my mother – Saraswati Devi Mathur.
She was educated and well versed in Hindu culture and religion. Although married at a very young age of 12, she continued her studies and passed the F.A. examination, one of the highest degrees allowed for women during 1915-16 in a small village -town in Gwalior. She had memorized several portions of the Ramayana and used to explain the gist of the Hindu religion and philosophy to us. Punctuality, detail oriented, adaptability and consistency were some of her strong traits.
In recent years some women who inspired me are Ms. Poonam Ahluwalia – who was a dedicated person and spent majority of her life organizing and working on different projects for humanity such as Hunger project; founder and director of YES and was also the Director of EDC in Newton.
Manju Sheth is yet another person who I always admire and who has dedicated her time and efforts in empowering women. She takes the time out from her busy doctor’s schedule and dedicate it to the cause of women. Much to be learned from her. Kudos to her…..
Women empowerment is: Respecting women; Accepting women’s viewpoints; Economic independence; Social upliftment, Recognition, Equality, self- awareness higher education; Acknowledging and accepting Women – Men Equality. Women empowerment is misconstrued as being “Belligerent” or “Insulting men” or “hurling derogatory language” etc. That is not empowerment; that is simply being insolent and rude.
4) What is something about you people may not know?
People don’t know that my real name; it is “Swarup Mathur” – a typical boy’s name. “Dolly” was my nick- name and everyone addressed me as “Dolly”, so that became my formal name. “Raja” was my husbands nick name, so we combined both the names. Now I am known as “Dolly Raja”
I Love music and play table (amateur); I am a comedian and love writing kid’s stories highly imaginative and am still a kid at heart.
5) As a platform for women dreamers, what is your next big dream?
Dream #1: My biggest dream is to provide an informal platform for women where girls/mothers/grandmothers/or anyone can share their grief or a mistreatment or any misgivings without the fear of getting exposed.
There are many women who are still verbally or mentally abused; degraded and or are put down.
They have no venue to share their frustrations and have no guidance as to how to handle both men and other abusive women. My dream is create a very informal, collaborative and cohesive ambience for these women who can contact and unload their frustrations. It could be via phone calls or in-person.
Must provide a helping “ear”
Dream #2: Talent Drive
Create opportunities for aged 50+ women who did not get a chance to advance their talents.
Different field could be oration; singing; acting; dancing, mediating; art/painting or any other talent they want to explore.
Provide a platform and encourage women to come forward to share their talents.
Thank you Dolly for sharing your inspiring story with us! We are excited to have you in our global women’s network!
Bio: Highly qualified, talented and value-driven professional with over twenty-five years of management, training and teaching experience. Extensive experience in staff development, performance analysis, planning and forecasting. Successful track record in team building, operation’s management and mentoring programs. Talent for proactively managing complex programs and projects; skilled in budget analysis and resource allocation.
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