By Zafreen Farishta

“Negotiating as a woman is tough. Negotiating as a desi woman – even tougher? Maybe not tougher, but definitely with its unique challenges.” Today’s woman dreamer, Zafreen Farishta, is a startup professional and salary negotiation strategist. She is the creator of The Pay We Deserve and a tireless advocate for gender pay equity. In this thought-provoking article, Zafreen explores the question “Is it harder to negotiate as a desi woman?”

Negotiating as a woman is tough. Negotiating as a desi woman – even tougher? Maybe not tougher, but definitely with its unique challenges. As a Pakistani American woman, I believed that I should accept what came my way, show gratitude, and continue onwards with an excessive amount of hard work and diligence. This belief didn’t even really come from my parents. I was lucky in that my mother and father were – and continue to be – proponents in me speaking up and advocating for myself. 

The larger community unintentionally pushed me in another direction. What I witnessed, what I heard, and what I experienced when I asked extended family and friends about negotiating my first job offer was a – “You better say yes to that offer, it’s good as is.” 

Now really, what can we expect? There is a reason why the default answer in our community is “Accept what you can. Work hard and you’ll get the rest.” It’s because earlier generations did just that. And it worked, at least some of the time. But does it work in Corporate land? And does it work for women? In my experience and my clients’ experience – it rarely does. 

We consistently hear of men taking home larger pay for less work – the ease with which they ask for more quite literally pays off. Yes, men were raised with the wherewithal to ask for more but that doesn’t mean the opportunity to earn more has escaped women. 

So, what can we do to counteract this part of our upbringing? How can we be considered for what we truly deserve?  

The number one way is to overcome core mindset hurdles and harness the full belief that we deserve more than what we’re getting. That the ‘heads down, hard work’ mentality doesn’t cut it. We need to debunk our fears of what will happen when we leave our submissive habits at the door. We will not be fired for asking for more, we will earn more!

Seem too simple? I promise, mindset reframes are powerful. And, if you’re looking for something even more actionable – consider sharing your salary with your desi colleagues and friends. This is one of the most effective ways to ensure you’re being paid fairly and one of the best ways to support one another in our negotiation journeys. Here, the challenge becomes overcoming the shame component inherent within our community: “What will so-and-so think when they learn my salary? Whether it’s too little or a lot it’ll probably spread like wildfire.” 

Try and put this aside. This is shifting immensely. Today, I feel empowered by the desi women in my circle – more than I believe previous generations have. My shame-related fears have not come to pass. If anything, the vulnerability of the topic has brought my friends and I closer together. 

Cheers to you on your negotiation journey! Follow me @thepaywedeserve on IG or TikTok for more tips or check out my website: thepaywedeserve.com.