It's Never Too Late To Find Love: The Insider's Scoop on Dating Apps and Algorithms with Shalini Singh
How do dating algorithms truly work? Tired of scrolling on app after app, wondering if the person on the other side is looking for the same thing as you? Finding Love is a Rollercoaster, and with the rise of new dating apps and algorithms, the dating “game” is changing. Today’s woman dreamer, Shalini Singh, is a serial entrepreneur who found love at the age of 40. Inspired by her personal dating journey, her team launched dating app “andwemet”, to match global singles looking for committed, long-term relationships. She aims to address the holes in the dating app industry, and improve the experience for singles around the world. She gives an insider perspective, as a dating app creator, on how the algorithms work, how “lockdown love” has changed the world of dating, and how her app screens its candidates and finds the true perfect match for the users. Enjoy Shalini’s inspiring and fun story below.
1) Tell us your story. What inspired you to launch "andwemet", and be an author on navigating relationships for Thrive Global?
The thought behind launching andwemet came from listening to unpleasant and frustrating online matchmaking experiences shared by family and friends. These experiences were crystallised post conducting an extensive survey with single urban Indians and by participating in social experiments to gauge the situation and to define the gap. The analysis of results leads us to a single outcome i.e “lack of trust” leading to disengagement. This therefore became the cornerstone on which the platform stands.
As for Thrive Global, a matter of chance interaction that got converted in a regular affair, something which I thoroughly enjoy doing.
2) Lockdown Love: What is your advice to the single people during this lockdown on finding partners? Now that the lockdown is coming to an end, what do you think the dating scene will look like?
To be honest finding a partner during lockdown is no different when life was normal, other than the fact that face to face meetings have been replaced with video calls. The lockdown I believe has worked in favour of those seeking love but could not invest for want of time. The lockdown gave them the time to introspect and invest in searching for their prospect partner. I personally believe that the dating scene did not go through a major shift during the lock down, therefore expect no major changes during opening either.
The above being said, for majority of singles, the thought of searching for a compatible companion keeps cropping up from time to time. Your search ends wherein you meet someone by chance or introduced by family & friends or on online platforms My advice here would be that if you are seeking love online, look for a platform that you can trust.
3) On your site, you emphasize the quality and background of your clients. For those using more open dating apps with less "vetting" and free sign-ups, what are your strategies? How do you recommend using a dating app and making sure you are finding the right people, and the most honest people?
It’s a tough one, each individual is unique and have their own flavour and needs. If you are one of those who seeks a committed relationship, your first challenge would be to identify and filter individuals similar and real. This I say as there is plethora of information which states that 40-50% profiles on dating platforms are fake. Once you wade through this challenge each one of us have our own way to interact and build the connect, however if I have to give any advice, it would be “be you”
4) You wrote a piece on how to know when you are ready for a relationship. As life becomes busier and work-life balance becomes harder to achieve, how do you think people will know they are ready? What types of sacrifices should people be willing to make, and which ones should they not make in relationships?
How does one know they are ready for a relationship? Well, there is no set formula for this. You can ask a question on why you seek to be in a relationship and what is it that you bring to it. If coming out of a failed relationship is the driver, please introspect and be sure that you emotionally moved ahead from the past relationship. Relationships in all honesty are extremely personal that involve emotions.
As for the sacrifices that you talk about, I would address it by saying that every long-lasting relationship is a TRAP (Trust, Respect, Acceptance & Patience) and couples have their own thresholds.
5) What are the most common dating pitfalls you see, and how does this vary between age groups/cultures?
Dispassionately thinking dating is defined by emotions and not logic, this happens across age groups and cultures. If we consider this, the decisions made are based on emotions and the initial euphoria may cloud the judgment. Therefore, it is important to introspect before diving completely in and I must admit that it is easier said than done. We aim to help people make an informed decision through our app.
6) Dating Algorithms: What are some common glitches you see in mass market dating algos, and how have you worked to mitigate this for your clients?
Love this question. From my perspective I see technology to act only as an enabler that certainly helps in the hygiene factors aiding users, but I think that is where it stops. Technology that works on data and gauging personality traits through only data is yet to reach maturity (may never reach as it is about understanding the human mind and emotions) to help give ‘perfect’ match. I believe for technology to aid a successful relationship you need unstated information, which is difficult to be converted into actionable data. For us, the use of technology is being used around approaches that help our members to take an informed decision.