Reclaiming My Life: Ammara Nawaz Khan's Path to Authenticity and Success
“Reclaiming myself … walking back to my “asal” … being my authentic self.. all were facets of the biggest challenge I faced: when I walked out of my 17 year old marriage with two very young kids. Having no family around, zero bank balance, and no alimony or spousal support, I had to make a conscious effort everyday to stay positive and not let this experience ruin my spirit.” Today’s woman dreamer, Ammara Nawaz Khan is a scientist and classical musician. In this inspiring interview with Women Who Win, she reflects on her journey in academia, discovering her passion for music, and how she navigated the obstacles she faced along the way. Embracing a “bring it on” and “I am ready for a challenge” mindset, this is a story of inspiration and resilience, and we are honored to share Ammara’s journey!
1. Your story is fascinating. You are originally from Lahore, Pakistan, and embody a diverse array of talents, excelling both as a scientist and a classical musician. What inspired you to pursue a career in chemistry and biology?
I opened my eyes in a joint family system. There were 25 people living under one roof at my grandfather’s big house in Lahore. So growing up, I had the benefit of interacting with lots of different personalities and dealing with many levels of relationships which added all the layers/aspects that I now portray.
Fine arts intrigued me from an early age. I drew, painted, and sang in school events. My upbringing wasn’t stereotypical and I had complete freedom to be a “child” and enjoy childhood. My musical inclination is a gift from my father. I remember waking up to the sounds of Mehdi Hassan Khan Sahab, Farida Khanum ji ang Iqbal Bano ji’s ghazal renditions on the radio every morning. I see all arts forms —such as music, arts, poetry— as a “one secret garden.” A place of your very own to go when comfort is needed. I was born a wanderer, so I needed all of these forms of expression.
How and why I ended up being a scientist now makes sense. The marriage between my career and I is excellent since we are a perfect match. We both are inquisitive, curious, open to change, and ready for challenges. This curiosity, to know and find answers, made me fall in love with chemistry during my undergraduate years. The biology aspect came in when I moved to the US in 1999 and pursued my second masters in biotechnology. Having this dual background has enabled me to appreciate the relationship and the balance that exists between the living and physical world. I feel that I am in sync with my surroundings and that lets me live each moment fully and completely.
2. Tell us about an empowered woman in your life that you admire?
Before I tell you about an empowered woman that I admire, I should tell you what empowerment means to me. I know many women who have accomplished a lot in their professional lives, are heading organizations in leadership positions, yet their success has come at a cost. They gave up a part of themselves to be successful. I saw their personalities change over time, and somehow their spirits were tamed or damaged. I didn’t like it.
So for me, an empowered woman is one who makes the best of her situation while maintaining her personality, integrity, and interests. Finding a balance in all of these is what empowerment means to me. The woman I admired a lot is my “phupo”, my father’s eldest sister who we all called “Apa Jaan.” Apa Jaan had a very eventful life; starting in Delhi, getting married, and then being widowed at a young age while raising six children on her own. She wasn’t a career woman, but her strength was in the fact that she dealt with the lemons life threw at her.
During all these years laced with challenges, her spirit wasn’t broken. She was able to laugh, derive pleasure out of mundane everyday happenings, and just simply live. Life didn’t harden her, or maybe she didn’t let it. This was an important aspect of her life that helped me navigate my path when I was bombarded with lemons. “Bring it on”, I would say looking up with a smile. “I am ready for any challenge.”
Having this attitude is empowering to me!
3. Tell us more about your classical music journey. When did you start playing classical music? What is a project you are most proud of?
As I mentioned above, music has been a part of my everyday life. In Pakistan, however, music is not taught as a subject, so I was not able to get any formal training. In 1999, after coming to the US, life pressed the mute button on music. In the next 17 years, I don’t recall singing or playing music as I used to. I was slowly moving away from my “asal”, or what I call “point of origin”. The departure from myself reached a point where the only viable option was to walk out of my marriage. And so I did! The earth didn’t shatter nor did the sky fall and there started a period of my life which was tough, challenging, stressful yet exciting, and extremely rewarding!
To reclaim the lost “Ammara” I brought music back and formally started taking lessons in classical Indian music. Learning music introduced me to a new world, the world of meditation! And, it is helping me to piece together my identity. Last year, my trip to Pakistan had a new reason. I visited the places I grew up in and explored Lahore with my camera. I wanted to see what I hadn’t seen yet. This marked the beginning of the project “ Shanakhti Card” or “Identity Card”. It’s a pictorial documentation of Lahore with my vocals in the background. It’s a small effort to complete my circle and express myself as much as possible through photography & music. I am very excited for its launch later this year. Further,I also have an original composition in the pipeline in raag yaman kalyan, and it will be out this year as well.
4. As you reflect on your personal and professional journey, what is a challenge you faced, and a lesson you learned? What is your advice to women in dealing with challenges and obstacles along the way?
Reclaiming myself … walking back to my “asal” … being my authentic self.. all were facets of the biggest challenge I faced: when I walked out of my 17 year old marriage with two very young kids. Having no family around, zero bank balance, and no alimony or spousal support, I had to make a conscious effort everyday to stay positive and not let this experience ruin my spirit. I didn’t want to carry the baggage that divorce usually brings. So, I had to have a lot of conversations with myself, sorting out the situations and deciding the outcomes. I had two young kids looking up to me, and it was my responsibility as a parent to not only show them how to make a damn good lemonade, but to enjoy the process of making it as well.
The struggle was real, believe me. There were many times when it was difficult to pick up the million pieces of me scattered all over, but I did the best I could to gather all and bring the Ammara back. In this process, a very valuable lesson I learned which is actually my mantra now is that “there is no such thing as a dead end.”For all the women who are struggling to find themselves, all I can say is: stay focused on your goal, eliminate white noise (distractions) from your life, find a support system, and be there for others in the same boat.
5. As the platform for women dreamers, what is your next big dream? How do you seek to empower women and young girls?
I am a born dreamer and this life isn’t enough for what I want to experience, but my dream/wish is to stay true to myself professionally and personally. When you make things happen, it opens up the doors of possibilities for others. By sharing the way I am living and honoring my life, it is not only empowering me, but I hope it can bring inspiration to others. To answer the second question, I actually asked my daughter as to how I am helping her feel empowered and she said, “I have seen you make a life for yourself and us. You are happy, successful, with a thirst for life and that inspires me.”
For our daughters and sons, we need to respect our spirits and souls because they guide us to the right path. The path to peace within our minds, hearts, and body. Isn’t that what we all are striving for? I will leave you with this question!