The Dream Date: A Dating Coach's Guide to Virtual Dating, Self-Empowerment, and Dating TV Shows
How does one find their dream date in 2020? How has virtual dating changed the dynamic, and how realistic are our classic dating shows, such as the popular Indian Matchmaking? How do you find a partner later in life, and how do you navigate a relationship between people of different cultures. Dating Coach Amy Mehta Parmar shares her expertise, and why coaching women to find their “Dream Date” and Be Happy with themselves, and their relationship, is her passion in life.
1) You work as a dating coach, helping women find their "Dream Guy" and coaching them on the ins and outs of dating. What inspired you to enter this industry?
I first thought of working with single women 9 years ago, after I found myself suddenly single. I was just getting over a very difficult time in my life, where I was going through both a divorce and moving back in with my parents due to personal health reasons. I knew I wanted to be married again, just planning to choose better the second time around.
Dating was tough, and I constantly felt like I was on a roller coaster emotion-wise. And when I shared stories with friends, I found that so many of them were having similar experiences. We were all close to 40, single, and struggling to find the right guy for us. Due to breakups, a strong focus on work or academics, so many women are finding themselves single at a point when they imagined they would already have a family. Or, they found themselves suddenly alone, raising children as single parents, and struggling to get back into the world of dating. That’s when I realized, ‘Wow, this is a real issue!’ that women everywhere are going through and its a problem that I really felt needed a solution.
“ I turned “finding someone” into a second job.”
Meanwhile, I turned “finding someone” into a second job. I went nonstop with talking to and meeting men over that 2-year period of being single. Eventually, I met the amazing and oh-so patient man with whom I just celebrated our third wedding anniversary.
After some years had passed, and I was happily remarried, I went back to this subject. I really wanted to help single women have happier dating experiences, with less time wasted on bad prospects. So, I set about learning everything that I could about relationships and dating. And started using this knowledge to coach women through the dating process.
2) What is the most rewarding part of the job? And what are some common issues in dating?
I really enjoy being able to help women through some of the ways we can “get in our own way” when it comes to going after goals. It is so rewarding to see women feeling happier and so much more hopeful after our sessions together.
“Dating is a 2 way experience. You are checking out the guys for their potential as partners just as much as they are evaluating you. ”
My clients and I work together to strengthen their mindset regarding their goal of finding a partner. There is often a lot of healing of old patterns of behavior that happens as a result of this work. We discuss anything they are experiencing, such as having trouble getting over an ex, or recovering after disappointment. One of the main things I focus on teaching them is that dating is a 2 way experience. You are checking out the guys for their potential as partners just as much as they are evaluating you. If a guy ghosts you, or things don’t work out with someone you liked, he definitely was not the right match. And it’s always better that it ended sooner rather than later. God always has a plan for us that is bigger than our plan for ourselves.
3) How is Dating Coaching different from Match-making? With the rise of new dating shows such as Indian Matchmaking, how realistic are these shows, and what are some common misconceptions?
I often get asked if I am a matchmaker, which is a person that sets their clients up with potential suitors. The answer is that I don’t set people up together. I primarily work with women to help them in their search to find a male partner. They do the legwork of joining dating sites, and going out with friends while keeping an eye out for eligible men. I advise them on which sites to join, and guide them on their profile, photos, and everything else related to going on dates and getting to know men.
“These dating shows primarily seek to entertain. ”
You mentioned the show, ‘Indian matchmaker’ - I can’t really comment on how realistic the show is. I do know that it is common to edit reality shows in such a way as to get maximum views. And that they primarily seek to entertain. I try to keep in mind when watching that there are producers behind the scenes working to stir up drama to organize the episodes around.
4) What are some of the typical issues you see when coaching your clients that prevent them from the dating life they are trying to achieve? How does this vary with age, or culture etc.?
In terms of dating issues that are keeping women from finding their great relationship, I can name a few. One is cutting a guy off after 1 date because you don’t find him very attractive. My advice on that is, unless you know that there is no chance of ever finding him attractive or there was a red flag during the date, allow for one more. He might surprise you the second time around, after the nervousness has gone down.
“We ignore red flags due to some very desirable quality the guy has. ”
Another common issue is ignoring red flags due to some very desirable quality the guy has. We can minimize the effect of red flags because we are so attracted to some quality in them. Whatever that thing is that makes you feel that he’s the one for you, it can be a dangerous feeling if you decide this in the beginning, before you really know the person well. These are some of the most common issues that women come to me for help with.
“We can all get set on ideas of who we should be with and can miss out on a great guy outside our “normal type” because of it. ”
I also recommend talking to multiple men in the beginning. I advise doing this until you are ready to have that talk about monogamy and being in a committed relationship where both parties see a future.
It’s funny, because I see these issues in women of all ages and cultures. We can all get set on ideas of who we should be with and can miss out on a great guy outside our “normal type” because of it. I am a prime example!
My husband is outside the tall and super ambitious ‘type’ that I was originally going for. As a result of being with him, I have learned a lot about myself. Our personalities mesh together really well! And we live with my mother-in-law, who is amazing. I never thought I would marry someone that lived with his mom, back when I first started dating!
Join Amy on Instagram @amymehtaparmar and amymehta.com :)Thank You So Much Amy for these Amazing Insights on All Things Dating. We are excited to have you in our empowered Women’s network!