The Unshackled Career Woman: How Mrinalini Garv is Empowering Leaders
“I had my biggest aha moment. I had taught in an MBA, executive MBA and advanced business program, and I noticed what was glaringly missing in the curriculum: Teaching women to take charge of their leadership.” Today’s woman dreamer, Mrinalini Garv is a dedicated Leadership Coach and creator of "Unshackled Career Woman. In her interview with Women Who Win, she shares how she embraces diversity in leadership coaching, limiting beliefs her clients have shared, and her advice for overcoming those and reaching your leadership potential. Enjoy!
1. You are a dedicated Leadership Coach and creator of "Unshackled Career Woman" where you particularly focus on empowering South Asian in ascending into executive roles in their career journeys. How did your childhood/upbringing inspire you to start this business, and what was the need you saw?
That is such an amazing question. My journey to become a leadership coach, specifically, executive presence and confidence building coach started, when I got passed up for promotion. I was in the company for 5 years. I won excellence awards for my projects. I had the expertise. I worked very hard. I was a team player. To my dismay and horror, a new colleague who joined the team more recently got promoted and became my boss. I felt insulted and quite frustrated for putting in the hard work and going above and beyond for five years! But that started the wheels churning in my brain and started my journey to solve this mystery of why brilliant, smart, talented and qualified women of color get passed up for the promotion they so well deserve. And I found the keys to the castle!
Everything that we do as an adult is influenced by how we were brought up. We get molded by our childhood. In my book, The One Thing That Changed Everything, I share my childhood story. I won't go into the details but just to give you a snapshot, I wasn't really empowered to take ownership of my life or my decisions. My mom had anger issues and it would come out in the form of physical and emotional abuse toward my brother and me. My parents didn't get along very well. My childhood was quite chaotic. It wasn't like that all the time, no. But it was unpredictable, which was the scary part. As a result, very early on, I got conditioned to become a people pleaser. I learned to be a 'good' girl so not to inconvenience anyone. I did as told just to avoid ruffling any feathers and keep peace. That was my survival mechanism. These behaviors stayed with me even as an adult.
When we see our parents as authoritative figures vs. nurturers, we are insidiously programmed to become the version our parents want us to be. A lot of people confuse abuse with discipline. Abuse of all sorts is normalized in many cultures, especially South Asian culture. Emotional abuse is the hardest to pin-point, but it's worse than physical abuse. Everything seems fine but at the core we feel something's not off. To give you some examples, comparing your child with someone else's, praising only when you get good grades and punishing when you fail or get less grades. This creates the feeling of not being enough. This, as adults, shows up as imposter syndrome. Our self-worth gets tied to achievements and we don't feel any fulfillment because we are trying to live by other people's expectations of us.
Through my own experience, research and working with hundreds of clients here's what I found. Our childhood conditioning shows up in our behaviors as an adult. e.g. I would say 'yes' to all the tasks and projects even if my plate was full. I was afraid to say no. I was afraid to ask for a raise or promotion. I was scared to speak up in meetings especially in the presence of dominating personalities. That's because I was never taught to say no. I was never empowered to stand up for myself.
When I understood this I had my biggest aha moment. I left that job and creatively landed the position of a business lecturer. I taught in the MBA, executive MBA and advanced business programs. I noticed what was glaringly missing in the curriculum: Teaching women to take charge of their leadership. We can't have a cookie-cutter approach to leadership. Women need a different approach that can help them feel safe and certain about leading with impact. And once women feel that certainty, they can ascend into executive roles and become effective, influential and impactful leaders. Nothing can stop them.
2. How does your personal experience as a South Asian woman influence your approach to coaching?
Early on in my career, when I came to the US to pursue my master's in healthcare administration, I realized that the western corporate culture is a very different ball-game. Simply working harder is not enough to rise in the ranks. I still remember my very first day in school here. As we were going around the room introducing ourselves, my turn came. Being a brown woman, with humility etched in my DNA, the only thing I said about myself was that I am a physician and the reason to pursue the degree was to learn the administrative side of healthcare. Next to me sat a young white man who was a freshly minted undergrad. He spoke for 5 full minutes very proudly, sharing about his experience at school and volunteering for two months in the house-keeping department of a hospital. I was astounded. I also noticed that every single person was as hypnotized by his words, listening to him intently, and clearly impressed by his accomplishments. In that moment, I realized that to succeed here, you need to own up your experience and expertise and articulate your accomplishments.
I quickly learned to speak up. I came up with an elevator speech (I think it isn't so much about having a quick conversation with the CEO in an elevator, it really is about elevating ourselves and clearly articulating our value!). I started networking with alumni, with professors. Through them I made other connections. I landed my first job by networking with the CEO of the company. I got my third job by collaborating on a project with a COO of another company (I was just a subscriber of their newsletter!). It was very successful and she championed for me for an ideal job and I got it. This was after I got passed up for promotion.
It puts us out of our comfort zone but if we are not confident (sometimes we confuse lack of confidence with humility), if we are not speaking up and advocating for ourselves, and not connecting with the right people, it is very hard to progress in our career. I know way too many women AND men who are stuck in the cycle of working harder and not getting the recognition they deserve. But it can be changed.
3. Can you share a success story where your coaching empowered another woman in her career and/or personal life?
Happy to share. My very first client. She was also my student at the business school. Despite graduating and getting a specialized business degree, she felt she needed leadership training. I was shocked because this specific program I taught in was epitome of leadership training. She was working as a supervisor for 20 years. Her goal was to become at least a manager before she retired. We worked together. The first thing we did was to help her align with what she truly wants. She left her job and decided to move closer to her daughters. She landed a job as an assistant director. She got quickly promoted to director. And I received a text from her a year and half later that she was on her way to become a VP. I especially like this success story because we have so much potential, but because we have been conditioned to play small, we don't even scratch the surface of what's possible.
4. Coaching involves a lot of mindset shifts and encouraging clients to keep an open mind. Are there any key mindset shifts do you believe are essential for South Asian women interested in leadership in particular? How do you tailor your coaching strategies to address the cultural nuances and unique pressures that South Asian women face in the professional world?
Another great question! Before enrolling my clients in my program, I meet with them on Zoom to do a leadership audit to understand their leadership gap, i.e., where they are currently in their career and where they want to be. 95% of the women I have spoken with told me that they don't want to get to the next level because they won't have any work life balance. That's a limiting belief. These women were working 60-70 hours/week. The biggest mindset shift I help women make is to understand that it is not the time they put in matters it is the amount of influence they can have. I have them focus on the work that only they can do. Everything else can either be scratched out of the list, delegated or be done efficiently. I have them recapture their time so they are working 35-40 hours/week even if they are executives. I coach them to protect their time like a hawk. If they do not do that they burn out. They get exhausted. An exhausted leader cannot lead effectively. This is very applicable to South Asian women because we tend to do the same in life. We take on more responsibilities especially because that's the expectation from the in-laws, from the society. But when they learn how to assert, how to say no, how to ask for support, their personal life transforms positively.
5. As the platform for women dreamers, what is your next big dream?
I think there is such a great need for women to know that they have so much potential that they haven't fully tapped into. I want to get on global stages and spread this message. I want women to know that they have the power. I want them to own it. That's my dream!